RIP IT UP TOP 5: Terrible Kiwi Sporting Anthems

With the 2012 London Olympics well underway, and Muse’s epic ‘Survival’ no doubt drilling a hole though the skulls of all those in the United Kingdom’s capital, let’s take a look back on some of our own misguided attempts at rallying the nation through song.
 

05. Steve Allen – Join Together (1974 Commonwealth Games)

The official song of the 1974 games held in Christchurch, is most memorable for the odd meter of the lyrics, clearly written separately from the music and then shoehorned in afterwards. In places it’s as though it were written by someone who speaks English as a second language: “They gather in a place that’s named, this time it’s in Christchurch / And getting it on together, play sport with a feeling that should surround the earth.” Haha, ‘getting it on together’. Pervert.

04. Chris Thompson – This Is The Moment (1990 Commonwealth Games Anthem)

A vast improvement on the 1974 disaster, ‘This Is The Moment’ is a huge, celebratory jam sung by New Zealand’s answer to John Farnham and most of When The Cat’s Away. Big uplifting choir vocals and some sweet synths – it’s not quite ‘Poi E’ but it’s pretty damn close. 

03. All Of Us – Sailing Away (1987 America's Cup)

Written for our very first attempt at the America’s Cup and performed by celebrity supergroup All Of Us (sort of like Band Aid, but with Barry Crump instead of Bono), ‘Sailing Away’ was simply ‘Pokarekare Ana’ adapted to be about boats. Incidentally, it was the longest a New Zealand single had spent at number one until Gin Wigmore and Smashproof ‘smashed’ the record in 2009 with ‘Brother’. The video is a wonderful reminder of simpler times, where you didn’t need good looks to be a pop star and the soft mullet was king.  Mmm, so soft.

We didn’t win.

02. Neil Finn – Can You Hear Us? (1999 Rugby World Cup)

More Kiwiana than you can shake a lamington goal-post at. The video starts with a wholesome Kay-way family making mousetraps and Milo in the middle of the night (dad burns the toast, typical). The party is soon crashed by Xena Warrior Princess, April Ieremia, and ex-All Blacks Joe Stanley, John Kirwan and Sean Fitzpatrick (who looks like he’s about to carry out a mafia hit) while Neil jams with some mates in the lounge. Shh Neil, the rugby’s on. The epic climax comes when mum, carrying a pavlova, is magically transported onto the field.

We didn’t win.

01 Dave Dobbyn – Loyal (2003 America’s Cup)

After taking the cup home a second time in 2000, hopes were high when we took to the seas in 2002 to defend our trophy. Unsurprisingly, the popularity of this previously beloved song dropped dramatically after…we didn’t win.
 

What sporting anthems do you love or loathe?

By Leonie Hayden.